Six Months Later…

So basically, me being me. I was on hiatus again.

I mean January was my last post. Then February and March was just dealing with the wedding preparation (back to back) and I finally started to calm down by mid April. (YEAP took me that long to just calm my tits down)

Yes. You read it right. I just got married, exactly 3 months ago. Time passed by so quickly! It was fun and definitely exciting to just prep for the wedding, the roller coaster ride, is literally, roller coaster ride. I didn’t turn into a bridezilla (Praise to the Lord), however I did turn into a bridezombie during my reception. But it is due to me being super tired, cause the solemnization was held in the same day, but earlier in the morning.

I have a VERY VERY long list of thank you I would like to call out, but if I start, it will be endless.

But to those who have helped, been there, and just even hugging me when all was rough, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Words can never be enough, to thank all of you.

From those who took over when I couldn’t think or feel anymore, to the ones that ran from Level 6 of the hotel to the ballroom with heels, and to the awesome makeup gal and photographers who rushed to make sure everything is on point.

Thank you thank you. 

To my extended family, the fam bams that took leave a day before to be with us. Thank you friends, you are always in our prayers. Each and everyone of you, have been through the journey with us, be it sadness or happy moments. Thank you for being part of this wonderful memory.

To my family for ever being so supportive and wanting the best out of everything. *hold back tears*.  And to my new family, I promise not to go crazy when you guys are around. :p

Shiznit. I’m not good with this. But all and all. I am starting a new life, with my best friend, high school crush, and now my husband. May Allah bless this new journey to be a wonderful ride. Insya Allah

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Oh and Ramadhan Kareem everyone. Let this be a blessed journey throughout.

Langkahku untukmu

Bila ku melihatmu, jiwaku tenang,
Tawa serta senyumanmu, membuat hati ku riang.
Andai kau tahu, hidupku ini ingin mengorak langkah bersamamu.

Setiap ceritamu, ku simpan dalam memori ku.
Ku rakam dalam minda setiap riak wajahmu.
Ku dakap dengan dekat memori yang disimpan satu per satu, tentang kita. Tentang kamu.

Memori manis, ku pegang erat. Memori pahit ku dakap lebih dekat

Aku di sini memegangmu dengan erat dalam dakapanku.

Setiap kali dirimu rapuh,
Setiap kali air matamu berlinang, ku tampung dengan tanganku.
Tidak akan ku biarkan ia dititis ke bumi.

Dapatkah kau merasakan, dakapan ku tiap kali kau sepi, tiap kali kau mendambakan kasih?

Tapi apakah di matamu, aku masih di depanmu?
Tapi apakah di sisimu, aku masih mendakapmu?
Tapi apakah bicara ceritamu, masihkah pada aku yang kau ceritakan?
Cinta ku padamu tiada ragunya,

Cintaku padamu, saksinya adalah Dia

Cinta ku padamu,

biarpun hatiku retak di setiap langkah,
aku tadahkan ia, agar diisikan di ruang-ruang hatimu

Jika cinta kita,

biarpun membuatku hidup dalam mati,
akan aku bawa sehingga langkah dan nafas terakhirku.

Andai takdirnya kita dipisahkan,
percayalah,
hatiku tetap bersama denganmu,
untuk kau hidup,
untuk kau tersenyum,
untuk kau bernafas,
di dunia ini.

Biarpun satu hari nanti, jasadku tidak lagi menghirup cinta dunia kita.

Aku menantimu di sana. Menanti cinta sehingga ke penghujungnya.

New Step ey 2017?

As I stare this white space, now filled with several words. I feel frustrated as I am trying to recall what I believe a 4 pager thoughts I had in mind this morning. Unfortunately, vibe to actually express it down, is not present at the moment.

2017 is coming. I don’t know what to expect or anticipate.

There will be several events coming up and well, out of that I’m really REALLY anticipating my TWO WEEKS of leave. Thing is, that’s not suppose to be my main aim or source of anticipation.

2016 was filled w nightmares that I refuse to go back and repeat itself. But it has good share of learning and development. I certainly see myself grew a lot better and learned more particularly in work aspects. Thing is, it’s sucky to know you have to make certain steps that involves a lot of changes. But rather than being in a place where you grow and breed hatred and negativity, it is best to walk away before the hate is planted deep in the core values of yourself. Because once it is planted solid deep inside of you, it is hard to remove it.

Man. Such deep thoughts at the end of the year. Well. This is to hoping a blessed new year and a good journey.

Pray for a good and blessed journey ahead of us all. Happy Pre-Early New Year, 2017!

Keep him safe

This morning I woke up to the news of Japan was hit by a 7.3 skala ritcher earthquake. Fukushima was on high alert for a tsunami warning. 

That momen, my heart dropped. He is there. Although it was at Fukushima. Tokyo was hit with the same scale of earthquake. I missed him by a few seconds before he departs to work. Which meant no wifi. 

I broke down into tears. 

Not knowing what to expect. 

Not knowing what to do. 

How to respond and how to keep calm. 

I text messaged him. Sent him a one tick whatsapp. With hopes he will respond. I broke down what felt like every minute praying he is safe. 

At that moment, I don’t want to have just his photos.

At that moment, I don’t want last night to be the conversation I remember.

At that moment, I cried harder, cause I want him home close to home. I want his smile physically visible in front of me. 

Some would say I overreacted. But it was real. Real in a sense you put your faith in God and hoping he is alright and knowing that you have but Him to help. All this while, I kept on seeing #prayfor and wouldn’t understand how or what is the urgency or feeling behind those.

And there I was having my other half in the stated situation. My friend had to calm me down throughout the ordeal. 

Don’t worry. Alhamdullilah he is fine. He felt the shake which was quite strong. But he is okay. Please keep on praying not just for my Beau. But for Japan and New Zealand, for them who have their loved ones and never want to end their story. 

Friday. I want my Beau home. 

#twochinaseasapart

Departure gates are so depressing 😩

Sent off this man of mine to Japan on his work trip. It is not as bad as last time, since his trip is just for a week. But believe this, both of us can’t deal w long distance. Yeap. Both of us. Seriously. Both of us. 

But we can do this. There’s Skype and have I mentioned that Tokyo’s internet is super laju? Yeah cause Skyping him last time, the connection was super sweet.

5 days. We can do this. 

Just like, working and you anticipate Fridays like usual. It’s gonna be quick just like that. 

We will be fine. 

We are like just Two China Seas apart. 6 hours 50 mins apart. 

Friday will come soon. 

Oh lord. Who am I kidding. 

*weeps loudly* 😩😭😫

P/s: One more trip. Then the next will be ours. ❤️ 

Life and 4 months

I “accidentally” went on a hiatus for like..4 months.

Well..not really accidentally. It is mainly due to various factors that came in

  • The place where I pour my inspiration now is on my work laptop (considering that my own laptop is now in the possession of my brother). So if I were to use that, I have the tendency to do work instead of lingering around on the web and stuff… #sensetheworkaholicme
  • My mood is easily disturbed by so many factors. Which lead me to just feel uninspired to blog anything. Bummer.
  • Apparently I got really “busy” with work, till the point that I don’t know which part of my work actually made me “busy”
  • I tend to think while I walk of 1001 things to say and write. Only ending up not typing or expressing out any, as I was mentally writing it all. And due to my Dory like memory, I tend to forget everything.

I can come up with so many excuses but welp so far these are the ones that popped out.

The past four months have been about family, weddings, work, relationship and friendship. Felt quite long though in this span of time. Two of my cousins are wed off within the span of 2 months apart. Which led to number of family meetings and meetup.

  • Le Beau has now been upgraded into a whole new level of family gatherings (meaning he was present in both of the weddings) #heartflutterstoawholenewlevel
  • Work has been….work. I zoned out a lot.
  • Have I mentioned that my two superiors in my department will be on leave for 2 weeks which means I will be in the same level as Kevin Mccalister? Minus the booby traps and The Sticky Bandits. #sepinadyingslowly
  • But I’m super happy for them as one is getting married #overlyexcitedemployee and one is organising her daughter’s dance show.

Well….I thought I had more to talk about but NOPE. That’s it at the moment. This week is gonna be a countdown session for me. Beau is two seas apart from me (East and South China Sea apart) for one week #overlyattached. It’s okay not that long anyways.

So bila nak kahwin Sepina?

As I answer this, let me create a donation form where you can contribute more towards my wedding.

TEE HEE.

P/s: Tomorrow is Monday. I’m on the verge of dying. Thanks Monday Blues.

Sense check

 

Have you ever worked so hard, till you feel that, it’s not worth it anymore?

At which point do you tell yourself to just give up or still strive for it?

Cause I think half the time I can’t cope with it anymore. Half the time, I want to just sit down and throw all the effort away. and most of the time, I just don’t want to hear anything but just be left alone.

But funny thing is, when I want to give up, people say

Don’t! you are just beginning! It will all be okay.

I’m optimistic but not THAT optimistic. Sometimes I prefer reality rather than possibilities. So, my environment says it is important  to instill Sense of Possibilities.

Let me get this right, Sense of Possibilities make sense, when you acknowledge the reality. But if you fail to acknowledge that, don’t you dare preach to me about sense of possibilities. Your sense of reality needs to be in tact.

I’m giving up on the things I think I’m fighting for. Be it people. Be it work. Be it….everyone.

Don’t! You Can do this!

No.

I can’t. just for once. I can’t and I won’t and I don’t want to.

 

That one sided updates

Do you realize that as you grow older, your “cool” friends was no longer the “cool” that you thought it would mean ?

Suddenly you feel that out of all the list of names that you have. Let’s say, you have 50 names. But only 5 knows what is going on with you. And the other 45, you tend to know updates about them, more than they know anything about you.

It made sense when my mother said this,

“100 friends? You think you have 100 friends? Find the ones who are actually close and care about you”

At first I was offended. Because genuinely, I am “close” to these 100 people. But as I have to force myself to cut the list. I realize it made sense, to cut some names, cause I have these questions linger in my head.

“Did she/he actually knows what I’m doing now?”

“Does he/she actually bother to listen or genuinely ask what is up?”

“Does it looks like you try harder to keep in touch or both of you tried to keep in touch?”

These were some of the questions that lingers, and of course the main one:

“Where were you when I needed you the most?”

Surprisingly after asking this questions as I cross off the names, it seems “easier”. Sometimes you realise you are trying to take care of people’s heart and feelings more than yourself. That it doesn’t make sense at all to do that, when they have no effort to actually be apart of your life and well at least hold you when you are down.

After all of this, as sarcastically kind of mean thing to say this, somehow this kind of made sense now.

 

 

Faizal Tahir kata Assalamualaikum

I believe we are better than this
We could all be better than this

Apa kita hanya berdiam sahaja?

Semalam Anugerah Juara Lagu 30.

Aku memang tak berapa sangat tengok rancangan macam ni. Tapi semalam lain sikit. Ada 4 lagu favourite aku, yang aku root dan selalu dengar. Lagu Faizal Tahir, Caliph Buskers, Dayang Nurfaizah dan Akim and The Majistret.

Tapi yang memang aku mengharap nak menang sememangnya lagu ‘Assalamualaikum’ – Faizal Tahir. Semalam dia bawak, sedap sangat. Mungkin aku da terbiasa dengar yang rancak, semalam dengan berlatar belakangkan video saudara kita dari Syria dan Palestine, berserta gelendangan yang ada di Malaysia. Mengusik hati dan meremang dengar, sebab aku susah nak suka lagu Melayu ni. Tapi lagu-lagu sebegini, buat aku gembira kerana muzik kini ada makna, ada mesej.

Lagu ni terusik lebih bagi aku, sebab sejak pindah tempat kerja, keliling aku, kawan-kawan semuanya berbeza kaum. Dulu heboh cerita, non-Muslim tak boleh sebut ‘Assalamualaikum’ (yang membawa maksud, peace be upon you). Jadi, kadang kadang depa suka la bagi salam pada aku. Memang aku selalunye sengih lebar bila dengar diaorg cakap bahasa arab. Pada aku, ini adalah sekadar bahasa, selagi mana dia tidak menghina bila menyebut, maka aku sambut salam itu dengan kebaikan. Setiap tingkah laku aku, aku akan sentiasa ingatkan diri, macam mana agaknya kalau Rasulullah S.A.W akan sahut. Sesungguhnya Baginda tidak akan membalas tingkah laku yang jahat dengan jahat, sekalipun dihina. Sebaliknya Baginda akan sentiasa menyahut dengan kebaikan dan kesopanan.

Orang duk cakap jadi macam Rashid. Aku rasa orang lupa nak sebut, jadi macam Rasulullah S.A.W.

(Tazkirah jap)

Anyway, yang pasti, lagu ni bertaraf Michael Jackson punya ‘We are the world’. Please read, that I am stating da sama taraf, bukan sama macam/sebijik macam. Lain eh bezanya. Sudah lama aku nantikan artis Malaysia berkarya lagu macam ni. Dan akhirnya, Faizal Tahir muncul dengan lagu ni.

Okay panjang sangat. All and all. Lagu ni, mesejnya deep. Bukan hanya sekadar mendengar, masuk kiri dan keluar kanan. Start a good deed tomorrow, don’t expect anything in return. But pray for a beautiful world in the future, not for ourself, but for everyone.

Wahai Abang Faizal Tahir, I have hopes for music like yours now. Moga Allah merahmati langkah-langkah mu dalam menyampaikan mesej sebegini di masa hadapan. Please, don’t stop creating masterpiece like this. Keep on moving, keep on writing, keep on creating hopes and touching people’s live through music. Assalamualaikum bang! Oh btw. YNWA! Saya pun Reds juga. (Menyempat. Kbai)

Assalamualaikum, damai pada dunia
Assalamualaikum dunia
Damailah pada kamu semua

Hide hide little girl

feel that heart,

the unsettled beat,

the beat that calls out to you,

the beat that hurts the inner soul,

the beat that made one fall,

to the ground,

deep down,

to the ground.

Feel that tears,

from the unsettled beat,

from the inner fight,

from the inner thoughts.

see that small little girl,

that small girl,

the girl that carries a box,

picking pieces

that shatters,

that crumbles,

she reveals,

the pieces was once a heart,

the box is where she kept it,

the tears shows her struggles.

see that girl,

the girl that looks like you

now runs to safety

now run to find shelter.

and hides till the pieces comes together.

Hide hide little girl,

run away little girl,

it will be alright.

It will be all right.