Words didn’t lie. But I did

Aku nak cuba blog dalam bahasa ibunda lah. Sebab aku rasa, aku lebih bebas nak berkarya dengan lebih puitis dengan Bahasa Malaysia. (Gebang lebih semua ni)

I created a blog so I can share my story to the world (kau nampak tak kat sini, terus shift balik omputih). But somehow, I tend to write things to cater to a reader’s perspective. Instead of creating a post where it reflects me. I end up writing to please people.

Aku bukan la hebat sangat pon bahasa Inggeris. Words aku pakai pon tak ada lah bombastika mana. Cuma mungkin minda aku lebih selesa menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris. Okay sebelum aku lari dari point.

I wrote for one reason, to tell stories, to share stories and maybe spread positivity and inspiration. I try not to shift away from the main point, and I try to write it in my own style.

Aku sedikit kecewa dengan diri aku. Sebab aku selalu ingatkan diri aku, aku menulis sebab nak kongsi dan aku nak tulis jujur dari hati. Alih2, aku akan tulis sebab nak ikut perisa rasa readers.

Tu lah manusia, mudah alpa. Asalnya niat tulus, akhirnya niat bolos dari jalan yang benar.
Manusia, sudah namanya tak sempurna bukan?

You and me. Sitting in a tree. F.A.L.L.I.N.G ? Huh?

I am currently witnessing how much difference falling in love at this age (read: 24 years old and above) and falling in love when we were teenagers (read: 21 years old and below). That courtship approaches are different in so many aspects.

Again, I shall highlight ‘witnessing’ cause I am not the one facing it. I am observing how my friends are going through that early courtship phase and comparing it to my experience. They have this very straightforward approach. Within less than a month (heck no, weeks) they were able to be direct and clarify what each of them want in life and from each other. The maturity is like everywhere in their erm..recently built relationship (?). They didn’t waste time and they always clarify. Means, no petty, stupid mind games, or tug of war.

Whereas in my case, to be where I am now. I had to go through 5 years of tug of war (read: we play that tug of war in term of feelings, testing each others patience) and endless mind games. Which then, after five years of friendzoning (read: both of us received the friend zoned moments from one another, basically, we tally in that lol) I am in a 2 years of a lovely, blessed, high blood pressure relationship with my best friend. That totals up to 7 years of journey me and my best friend/le beau had to go through.

The difference when compared to mine and theirs, my friends at the age of 23 years old made it clear what they want. Me on the other hand, with le beau, only made it clear like when both of us are 22 years old. Back in high school, we kept poking each others’ feelings, egos involved and etc (oh well, you sort of get what I am saying). We only reached to that conclusion, when we realized we are tired of the mind games, and we just blurted out (5 years later) of how we just really like one another, and POOF. Here we are. Which we thought,

Me : Wouldn’t it be nice if we just be direct with one another like 5 years ago?

Le beau : We were young. We still have more things to learn. It’s the right time when we made it clear. Plus, you were playing hard to get

PFFT. Well, technically both of us were playing hard to get.

OKAY. running AWAY from the topic.

Referring to what le beau stated, “We were young, we still have more things to learn”, it’s the truth. We had to go through so many heart breaks to know and learn that love is not all mushy and sweet stuff. As with the heart breaks you learn to know yourself better. It’s when you reach the age of 23 years old and above, you realize what you want from another person and what you want for yourself too. At this point of life, you are tired of testing your feelings and really, changing partners or being in and out of relationship again, AND AGAIN, is really tiring. You just want to be steady and true. So I guess, that’s what differs between falling in love at a young age and at this later stage.

“It’s the right time when we made it clear”

Yeap, timing, also is the deal. We could always wish for it to be sooner or later. The truth is, we are not in control of that. We could be either too ripe or too young. The deal is, when the time comes, it will happen. If not, well try to learn something and just be patient I guess. For what I know, all of us experienced that young love, where the poking feelings and that ego level is exciting. But truth is, when you reach the age of,  tired with all the f**k that the world is giving, you just want no game, no play and just be direct and go,

‘Okay, what do you want from me’

or

‘Yeah, I want you to know this is what I want from us’

Save the hassle and time. Then work out from that. I think another reason is, well everyone around us are either on their way to marriage and are married. That plays an effect to. You start to wonder what the f**k is going around in your life other than keeping fats under your tummy and everywhere else.

Friends : Wow, you are so good in giving advice la wei. So, when are YOU getting married?

Clara Fact of the day!

Regenerate: In Doctor Who series, meant that, every Doctor that experience severe injuries (like near death or major injuries) will HAVE to regenerate (new cells, bodies, face) to heal themselves (read: in a sense they are immortal lah, but only if they have time to regenerate).

So STOP ASKING ME UNLESS YOU WISH TO SPONSOR MY WEDDING.

Mucho love.
Keep reading peeps!

Signing out -Shaffyn

Untitled

Work is a pain in the ass.

Life is beating me hard.

I have the best support system. But yet, it’s not the time.

The figgridy frick is this.
I need to breathe. Let me breathe.
Let me breathe through ways that made me feel luckiest in the world.

Ooooweeeewooo!

I have this thing called

Nothing. I have nothing right now really.

I am missing the Doctor. No lah. Not a doctor that treats people.
Doctor Who. No, seriously. THE Doctor.

Oh wait. I can do this

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Missing Eleven and Tenth Doctor like a lot. Though, honestly speaking. I am adapting with Twelve now. I mean, that is every Whovians dilemma. When they have to face regenerations. As much as the Doctors hate it, we do hate it too. It means trying to adapt with the feels all over again. Ugh.

I mean I had a hard time adapting to Eleven (after the regeneration), I only started to like him after his second season. Then, came twelve. I was really like Clara. That feels.

Anyway, for any normal, non-Whovian fans. The Regenerations doesn’t make much sense. So basically, erm try to Wiki or Google on Doctor Who, particularly his Regenerations aspects. Might be clear a bit on what I babbled about. So basically,

I miss Eleven and Ten. And it’s gonna be 21 days till Christmas Specials Eps of Doctor Who. Then after that 9 months of hiatus till the next series.

#@%@#!^$!^$&%!%$!%$!&!&^

Translation: Every curse words ever existed.

Okay. It’s lunch time. Friday lunch times are good. Which means two hours of break. I will now roam around finding for life. I mean reasons to live.

ALLONS-Y!

This Tony Wayne.

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Shout out to number 20.

The one that hears to every ramblings ever existed from me. Grumblings. Mumblings. Babblings. Every -ings. That came out.

Still standing tall and strong by my side. The one that made wedding bells image for me deem possible. And wonderful.

Insya Allah.
Thank you for always keeping me close to you.
And for always lending your ears and eyes and shoulders to me.
You are always my favourite. Always.

Now look away people. It’s a mushy post.
But then. You’ve read it anyway.
Aww shucks.

Bells.

So basically, this is my effort to start new. It ain’t 2015 yet, but hey. I can start early.

What’s new? It’s December. Don’t you worry, I won’t ask you to build a snowman with me. I am actually dreading December.

But whyy? Like, but why??

One word.
Weddings.

This is my reaction,

image

That, exactly.

I am in that zone where I hate weddings. Because, people will be storming my face and ask me

Ha. Kau bila pulak? Cepat lah.
Translation : So when is your wedding? Fasterlah!

In a sopan way, I wish to reply this

Kau nak makan tisu tak kat majlis aku? Aku rasa aku mampu tu je
Translation : Tissue for everyone! EVERYONE EATS TISSUE ON MY WEDDING DAY.

Duh. Of course that’s an exaggeration of me translating things. But yeah, thats it. I have two weddings I am dreading to attend. But I have to. Since well. I have to. Don’t worry. I’m fine with weddings. I will get married. Just not this period.

Oh wait.
I think I can. For the sake of everyone getting married. I’ll try.
I’ll try to like weddings.

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NOPEE. AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.

try again next year.

-shufferz