Do you realize that as you grow older, your “cool” friends was no longer the “cool” that you thought it would mean ?
Suddenly you feel that out of all the list of names that you have. Let’s say, you have 50 names. But only 5 knows what is going on with you. And the other 45, you tend to know updates about them, more than they know anything about you.
It made sense when my mother said this,
“100 friends? You think you have 100 friends? Find the ones who are actually close and care about you”
At first I was offended. Because genuinely, I am “close” to these 100 people. But as I have to force myself to cut the list. I realize it made sense, to cut some names, cause I have these questions linger in my head.
“Did she/he actually knows what I’m doing now?”
“Does he/she actually bother to listen or genuinely ask what is up?”
“Does it looks like you try harder to keep in touch or both of you tried to keep in touch?”
These were some of the questions that lingers, and of course the main one:
“Where were you when I needed you the most?”
Surprisingly after asking this questions as I cross off the names, it seems “easier”. Sometimes you realise you are trying to take care of people’s heart and feelings more than yourself. That it doesn’t make sense at all to do that, when they have no effort to actually be apart of your life and well at least hold you when you are down.
After all of this, as sarcastically kind of mean thing to say this, somehow this kind of made sense now.