Hold tight

It takes inspiration or muse to create something.

It could be art. It could be literature. It could be just about anything.

It also takes an experience(s), to express words or message that goes beyond art or literature. Words that creates either self explanatory or subtle messages.

It takes several falls, for you to say, I had enough. But Prayers are the only shield left, for you to restrain from saying that.

Slowly, I’m feeling like I’m losing grasp, but He is what left for me to grasp just a little longer and stronger.


Three months later…

Welp, I think lately my posts remind me of scenes of the narrator from Spongebob Squarepants


Things have been very hectic, I was tied in a lot of knots everywhere (or rather in personal life-work matters). Finally, I am done with work. Yeap. Not done as in weekend done / on a holiday mode done. I have just entered my first phase of my career break.

So the usual feedback / comments / remarks / opinions that are inflicted upon my “hasty” decision are :

a) The usual why no backup plan question:

“Why did you quit without finding another job first?”

b) The I want to know, what is wrong or bad with your company question :

“Was it that bad that you decided to be jobless and without monthly income?”

c) The concern question of how I live without having money in my pocket :

“How are you gonna survive without income?”

d) The usually concern and judgey look they gave to know I’m a temp housewife question :

“Are you fully depending on your husband now for money?”

e) The you know questions..that you-have-to-be-independent-woman, kind of questions..oh you know..

“As a woman, you know, we never know, you know, what will happen, so we need to have that savings you know, just in case you know

which actually they just want to ask this :

f) Summary of all that questions that lead to this conclusion..

“How is that (that career break of mine) a responsible decision?”


Though the word career break is quite common in the western world, here in Asia, or specifically within my community. Taking a career break, must always comes with a valid reason. Because it just means you are impatient, irresponsible and a burden.

Now let’s dive in to the definition of

Career Break :

A period of time during which one chooses not to work, typically in order to bring up one’s children or pursue other interests. – English Oxford Living Dictionary

Thus, the reason to my career break is because I need to replan and revisit where will I be in the next five to ten years. Lets’s get real for a second. I am married and I am definitely planning to have a child soon (soon means within the next two years, not next week). Thus, I believe that making the next move of figuring out where I will be needs to come with a break from work.

While some, before resigning, they will actually apply to a different job, and once accepted into the position, will they resign. Me on the other hand, I have no idea how to juggle finding a job, and working to deliver the best outcome from my tasks. It’s not that I can’t multitask, but the job I was attached to was something so close to my heart and passion that I dare not do it halfheartedly. Plus I figure that I should be in a solid career path within the next one year before having a child. Heck, my husband is so darn supportive of this, why are you guys even more worried than he is -_-

In short, people make decisions differently. Some choose to start right away, some need to sit down, restructure and realign what they can do and can deliver. So to say that I resigned early cause I hate my previous job is the typical stereotype that people have. Truthfully, I love the work that I have done and the people I am with, and leaving was not easy.,but I need to start finding my path and I left in an awesome high knowing that all the work was worth it. So yes, I am on a career break without income and I have expectations that it will be that way. No need to remind me really.

So calm down. Don’t throw to me your own fear and comments on how this is a “hasty” decision. I’m fine really.

Okay, now allow me to just binge watch some shows. G’day to you.

Six Months Later…

So basically, me being me. I was on hiatus again.

I mean January was my last post. Then February and March was just dealing with the wedding preparation (back to back) and I finally started to calm down by mid April. (YEAP took me that long to just calm my tits down)

Yes. You read it right. I just got married, exactly 3 months ago. Time passed by so quickly! It was fun and definitely exciting to just prep for the wedding, the roller coaster ride, is literally, roller coaster ride. I didn’t turn into a bridezilla (Praise to the Lord), however I did turn into a bridezombie during my reception. But it is due to me being super tired, cause the solemnization was held in the same day, but earlier in the morning.

I have a VERY VERY long list of thank you I would like to call out, but if I start, it will be endless.

But to those who have helped, been there, and just even hugging me when all was rough, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Words can never be enough, to thank all of you.

From those who took over when I couldn’t think or feel anymore, to the ones that ran from Level 6 of the hotel to the ballroom with heels, and to the awesome makeup gal and photographers who rushed to make sure everything is on point.

Thank you thank you. 

To my extended family, the fam bams that took leave a day before to be with us. Thank you friends, you are always in our prayers. Each and everyone of you, have been through the journey with us, be it sadness or happy moments. Thank you for being part of this wonderful memory.

To my family for ever being so supportive and wanting the best out of everything. *hold back tears*.  And to my new family, I promise not to go crazy when you guys are around. :p

Shiznit. I’m not good with this. But all and all. I am starting a new life, with my best friend, high school crush, and now my husband. May Allah bless this new journey to be a wonderful ride. Insya Allah


Oh and Ramadhan Kareem everyone. Let this be a blessed journey throughout.

Langkahku untukmu

Bila ku melihatmu, jiwaku tenang,
Tawa serta senyumanmu, membuat hati ku riang.
Andai kau tahu, hidupku ini ingin mengorak langkah bersamamu.

Setiap ceritamu, ku simpan dalam memori ku.
Ku rakam dalam minda setiap riak wajahmu.
Ku dakap dengan dekat memori yang disimpan satu per satu, tentang kita. Tentang kamu.

Memori manis, ku pegang erat. Memori pahit ku dakap lebih dekat

Aku di sini memegangmu dengan erat dalam dakapanku.

Setiap kali dirimu rapuh,
Setiap kali air matamu berlinang, ku tampung dengan tanganku.
Tidak akan ku biarkan ia dititis ke bumi.

Dapatkah kau merasakan, dakapan ku tiap kali kau sepi, tiap kali kau mendambakan kasih?

Tapi apakah di matamu, aku masih di depanmu?
Tapi apakah di sisimu, aku masih mendakapmu?
Tapi apakah bicara ceritamu, masihkah pada aku yang kau ceritakan?
Cinta ku padamu tiada ragunya,

Cintaku padamu, saksinya adalah Dia

Cinta ku padamu,

biarpun hatiku retak di setiap langkah,
aku tadahkan ia, agar diisikan di ruang-ruang hatimu

Jika cinta kita,

biarpun membuatku hidup dalam mati,
akan aku bawa sehingga langkah dan nafas terakhirku.

Andai takdirnya kita dipisahkan,
hatiku tetap bersama denganmu,
untuk kau hidup,
untuk kau tersenyum,
untuk kau bernafas,
di dunia ini.

Biarpun satu hari nanti, jasadku tidak lagi menghirup cinta dunia kita.

Aku menantimu di sana. Menanti cinta sehingga ke penghujungnya.

New Step ey 2017?

As I stare this white space, now filled with several words. I feel frustrated as I am trying to recall what I believe a 4 pager thoughts I had in mind this morning. Unfortunately, vibe to actually express it down, is not present at the moment.

2017 is coming. I don’t know what to expect or anticipate.

There will be several events coming up and well, out of that I’m really REALLY anticipating my TWO WEEKS of leave. Thing is, that’s not suppose to be my main aim or source of anticipation.

2016 was filled w nightmares that I refuse to go back and repeat itself. But it has good share of learning and development. I certainly see myself grew a lot better and learned more particularly in work aspects. Thing is, it’s sucky to know you have to make certain steps that involves a lot of changes. But rather than being in a place where you grow and breed hatred and negativity, it is best to walk away before the hate is planted deep in the core values of yourself. Because once it is planted solid deep inside of you, it is hard to remove it.

Man. Such deep thoughts at the end of the year. Well. This is to hoping a blessed new year and a good journey.

Pray for a good and blessed journey ahead of us all. Happy Pre-Early New Year, 2017!

Keep him safe

This morning I woke up to the news of Japan was hit by a 7.3 skala ritcher earthquake. Fukushima was on high alert for a tsunami warning. 

That momen, my heart dropped. He is there. Although it was at Fukushima. Tokyo was hit with the same scale of earthquake. I missed him by a few seconds before he departs to work. Which meant no wifi. 

I broke down into tears. 

Not knowing what to expect. 

Not knowing what to do. 

How to respond and how to keep calm. 

I text messaged him. Sent him a one tick whatsapp. With hopes he will respond. I broke down what felt like every minute praying he is safe. 

At that moment, I don’t want to have just his photos.

At that moment, I don’t want last night to be the conversation I remember.

At that moment, I cried harder, cause I want him home close to home. I want his smile physically visible in front of me. 

Some would say I overreacted. But it was real. Real in a sense you put your faith in God and hoping he is alright and knowing that you have but Him to help. All this while, I kept on seeing #prayfor and wouldn’t understand how or what is the urgency or feeling behind those.

And there I was having my other half in the stated situation. My friend had to calm me down throughout the ordeal. 

Don’t worry. Alhamdullilah he is fine. He felt the shake which was quite strong. But he is okay. Please keep on praying not just for my Beau. But for Japan and New Zealand, for them who have their loved ones and never want to end their story. 

Friday. I want my Beau home. 


Departure gates are so depressing 😩

Sent off this man of mine to Japan on his work trip. It is not as bad as last time, since his trip is just for a week. But believe this, both of us can’t deal w long distance. Yeap. Both of us. Seriously. Both of us. 

But we can do this. There’s Skype and have I mentioned that Tokyo’s internet is super laju? Yeah cause Skyping him last time, the connection was super sweet.

5 days. We can do this. 

Just like, working and you anticipate Fridays like usual. It’s gonna be quick just like that. 

We will be fine. 

We are like just Two China Seas apart. 6 hours 50 mins apart. 

Friday will come soon. 

Oh lord. Who am I kidding. 

*weeps loudly* 😩😭😫

P/s: One more trip. Then the next will be ours. ❤️ 

Life and 4 months

I “accidentally” went on a hiatus for like..4 months.

Well..not really accidentally. It is mainly due to various factors that came in

  • The place where I pour my inspiration now is on my work laptop (considering that my own laptop is now in the possession of my brother). So if I were to use that, I have the tendency to do work instead of lingering around on the web and stuff… #sensetheworkaholicme
  • My mood is easily disturbed by so many factors. Which lead me to just feel uninspired to blog anything. Bummer.
  • Apparently I got really “busy” with work, till the point that I don’t know which part of my work actually made me “busy”
  • I tend to think while I walk of 1001 things to say and write. Only ending up not typing or expressing out any, as I was mentally writing it all. And due to my Dory like memory, I tend to forget everything.

I can come up with so many excuses but welp so far these are the ones that popped out.

The past four months have been about family, weddings, work, relationship and friendship. Felt quite long though in this span of time. Two of my cousins are wed off within the span of 2 months apart. Which led to number of family meetings and meetup.

  • Le Beau has now been upgraded into a whole new level of family gatherings (meaning he was present in both of the weddings) #heartflutterstoawholenewlevel
  • Work has been….work. I zoned out a lot.
  • Have I mentioned that my two superiors in my department will be on leave for 2 weeks which means I will be in the same level as Kevin Mccalister? Minus the booby traps and The Sticky Bandits. #sepinadyingslowly
  • But I’m super happy for them as one is getting married #overlyexcitedemployee and one is organising her daughter’s dance show.

Well….I thought I had more to talk about but NOPE. That’s it at the moment. This week is gonna be a countdown session for me. Beau is two seas apart from me (East and South China Sea apart) for one week #overlyattached. It’s okay not that long anyways.

So bila nak kahwin Sepina?

As I answer this, let me create a donation form where you can contribute more towards my wedding.


P/s: Tomorrow is Monday. I’m on the verge of dying. Thanks Monday Blues.

Sense check


Have you ever worked so hard, till you feel that, it’s not worth it anymore?

At which point do you tell yourself to just give up or still strive for it?

Cause I think half the time I can’t cope with it anymore. Half the time, I want to just sit down and throw all the effort away. and most of the time, I just don’t want to hear anything but just be left alone.

But funny thing is, when I want to give up, people say

Don’t! you are just beginning! It will all be okay.

I’m optimistic but not THAT optimistic. Sometimes I prefer reality rather than possibilities. So, my environment says it is important  to instill Sense of Possibilities.

Let me get this right, Sense of Possibilities make sense, when you acknowledge the reality. But if you fail to acknowledge that, don’t you dare preach to me about sense of possibilities. Your sense of reality needs to be in tact.

I’m giving up on the things I think I’m fighting for. Be it people. Be it work. Be it….everyone.

Don’t! You Can do this!


I can’t. just for once. I can’t and I won’t and I don’t want to.


That one sided updates

Do you realize that as you grow older, your “cool” friends was no longer the “cool” that you thought it would mean ?

Suddenly you feel that out of all the list of names that you have. Let’s say, you have 50 names. But only 5 knows what is going on with you. And the other 45, you tend to know updates about them, more than they know anything about you.

It made sense when my mother said this,

“100 friends? You think you have 100 friends? Find the ones who are actually close and care about you”

At first I was offended. Because genuinely, I am “close” to these 100 people. But as I have to force myself to cut the list. I realize it made sense, to cut some names, cause I have these questions linger in my head.

“Did she/he actually knows what I’m doing now?”

“Does he/she actually bother to listen or genuinely ask what is up?”

“Does it looks like you try harder to keep in touch or both of you tried to keep in touch?”

These were some of the questions that lingers, and of course the main one:

“Where were you when I needed you the most?”

Surprisingly after asking this questions as I cross off the names, it seems “easier”. Sometimes you realise you are trying to take care of people’s heart and feelings more than yourself. That it doesn’t make sense at all to do that, when they have no effort to actually be apart of your life and well at least hold you when you are down.

After all of this, as sarcastically kind of mean thing to say this, somehow this kind of made sense now.