Three months later…

Welp, I think lately my posts remind me of scenes of the narrator from Spongebob Squarepants


Things have been very hectic, I was tied in a lot of knots everywhere (or rather in personal life-work matters). Finally, I am done with work. Yeap. Not done as in weekend done / on a holiday mode done. I have just entered my first phase of my career break.

So the usual feedback / comments / remarks / opinions that are inflicted upon my “hasty” decision are :

a) The usual why no backup plan question:

“Why did you quit without finding another job first?”

b) The I want to know, what is wrong or bad with your company question :

“Was it that bad that you decided to be jobless and without monthly income?”

c) The concern question of how I live without having money in my pocket :

“How are you gonna survive without income?”

d) The usually concern and judgey look they gave to know I’m a temp housewife question :

“Are you fully depending on your husband now for money?”

e) The you know questions..that you-have-to-be-independent-woman, kind of questions..oh you know..

“As a woman, you know, we never know, you know, what will happen, so we need to have that savings you know, just in case you know

which actually they just want to ask this :

f) Summary of all that questions that lead to this conclusion..

“How is that (that career break of mine) a responsible decision?”


Though the word career break is quite common in the western world, here in Asia, or specifically within my community. Taking a career break, must always comes with a valid reason. Because it just means you are impatient, irresponsible and a burden.

Now let’s dive in to the definition of

Career Break :

A period of time during which one chooses not to work, typically in order to bring up one’s children or pursue other interests. – English Oxford Living Dictionary

Thus, the reason to my career break is because I need to replan and revisit where will I be in the next five to ten years. Lets’s get real for a second. I am married and I am definitely planning to have a child soon (soon means within the next two years, not next week). Thus, I believe that making the next move of figuring out where I will be needs to come with a break from work.

While some, before resigning, they will actually apply to a different job, and once accepted into the position, will they resign. Me on the other hand, I have no idea how to juggle finding a job, and working to deliver the best outcome from my tasks. It’s not that I can’t multitask, but the job I was attached to was something so close to my heart and passion that I dare not do it halfheartedly. Plus I figure that I should be in a solid career path within the next one year before having a child. Heck, my husband is so darn supportive of this, why are you guys even more worried than he is -_-

In short, people make decisions differently. Some choose to start right away, some need to sit down, restructure and realign what they can do and can deliver. So to say that I resigned early cause I hate my previous job is the typical stereotype that people have. Truthfully, I love the work that I have done and the people I am with, and leaving was not easy.,but I need to start finding my path and I left in an awesome high knowing that all the work was worth it. So yes, I am on a career break without income and I have expectations that it will be that way. No need to remind me really.

So calm down. Don’t throw to me your own fear and comments on how this is a “hasty” decision. I’m fine really.

Okay, now allow me to just binge watch some shows. G’day to you.


That one sided updates

Do you realize that as you grow older, your “cool” friends was no longer the “cool” that you thought it would mean ?

Suddenly you feel that out of all the list of names that you have. Let’s say, you have 50 names. But only 5 knows what is going on with you. And the other 45, you tend to know updates about them, more than they know anything about you.

It made sense when my mother said this,

“100 friends? You think you have 100 friends? Find the ones who are actually close and care about you”

At first I was offended. Because genuinely, I am “close” to these 100 people. But as I have to force myself to cut the list. I realize it made sense, to cut some names, cause I have these questions linger in my head.

“Did she/he actually knows what I’m doing now?”

“Does he/she actually bother to listen or genuinely ask what is up?”

“Does it looks like you try harder to keep in touch or both of you tried to keep in touch?”

These were some of the questions that lingers, and of course the main one:

“Where were you when I needed you the most?”

Surprisingly after asking this questions as I cross off the names, it seems “easier”. Sometimes you realise you are trying to take care of people’s heart and feelings more than yourself. That it doesn’t make sense at all to do that, when they have no effort to actually be apart of your life and well at least hold you when you are down.

After all of this, as sarcastically kind of mean thing to say this, somehow this kind of made sense now.



Faizal Tahir kata Assalamualaikum

I believe we are better than this
We could all be better than this

Apa kita hanya berdiam sahaja?

Semalam Anugerah Juara Lagu 30.

Aku memang tak berapa sangat tengok rancangan macam ni. Tapi semalam lain sikit. Ada 4 lagu favourite aku, yang aku root dan selalu dengar. Lagu Faizal Tahir, Caliph Buskers, Dayang Nurfaizah dan Akim and The Majistret.

Tapi yang memang aku mengharap nak menang sememangnya lagu ‘Assalamualaikum’ – Faizal Tahir. Semalam dia bawak, sedap sangat. Mungkin aku da terbiasa dengar yang rancak, semalam dengan berlatar belakangkan video saudara kita dari Syria dan Palestine, berserta gelendangan yang ada di Malaysia. Mengusik hati dan meremang dengar, sebab aku susah nak suka lagu Melayu ni. Tapi lagu-lagu sebegini, buat aku gembira kerana muzik kini ada makna, ada mesej.

Lagu ni terusik lebih bagi aku, sebab sejak pindah tempat kerja, keliling aku, kawan-kawan semuanya berbeza kaum. Dulu heboh cerita, non-Muslim tak boleh sebut ‘Assalamualaikum’ (yang membawa maksud, peace be upon you). Jadi, kadang kadang depa suka la bagi salam pada aku. Memang aku selalunye sengih lebar bila dengar diaorg cakap bahasa arab. Pada aku, ini adalah sekadar bahasa, selagi mana dia tidak menghina bila menyebut, maka aku sambut salam itu dengan kebaikan. Setiap tingkah laku aku, aku akan sentiasa ingatkan diri, macam mana agaknya kalau Rasulullah S.A.W akan sahut. Sesungguhnya Baginda tidak akan membalas tingkah laku yang jahat dengan jahat, sekalipun dihina. Sebaliknya Baginda akan sentiasa menyahut dengan kebaikan dan kesopanan.

Orang duk cakap jadi macam Rashid. Aku rasa orang lupa nak sebut, jadi macam Rasulullah S.A.W.

(Tazkirah jap)

Anyway, yang pasti, lagu ni bertaraf Michael Jackson punya ‘We are the world’. Please read, that I am stating da sama taraf, bukan sama macam/sebijik macam. Lain eh bezanya. Sudah lama aku nantikan artis Malaysia berkarya lagu macam ni. Dan akhirnya, Faizal Tahir muncul dengan lagu ni.

Okay panjang sangat. All and all. Lagu ni, mesejnya deep. Bukan hanya sekadar mendengar, masuk kiri dan keluar kanan. Start a good deed tomorrow, don’t expect anything in return. But pray for a beautiful world in the future, not for ourself, but for everyone.

Wahai Abang Faizal Tahir, I have hopes for music like yours now. Moga Allah merahmati langkah-langkah mu dalam menyampaikan mesej sebegini di masa hadapan. Please, don’t stop creating masterpiece like this. Keep on moving, keep on writing, keep on creating hopes and touching people’s live through music. Assalamualaikum bang! Oh btw. YNWA! Saya pun Reds juga. (Menyempat. Kbai)

Assalamualaikum, damai pada dunia
Assalamualaikum dunia
Damailah pada kamu semua

50 Shades of *Bleep*

So basically, of course, you have heard of 50 Shades of Grey.


Woops. Wrong Poster.

c8513666e4f4d82ff60b4c5826b446bd Yeah. This one. The famous erotic romance novel, turns movie.

Meanwhile, in Malaysia. Along the stretches of long, news feed Facebook posts.

Individual A : 50 Shades of Grey is banned in Malaysia! SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT!

Individual B : Asyik-asyik banned cita feveret aku! Bodoh apa banned ni! Cerita je kot!

Individual C : 50 Shades kene banned! Macam mana nak tengok ni? Semua pon banned, ni yang aku tak suka Malaysia ni. Pindah la macam ni.


Yes, yes, I can bet to you, you have AT LEAST, ONE, human being, complaining how frustrated they are, that their 50 Shades of Grey (suddenly it’s their all time favourite movie, which they have never watch/read to begin with) is banned in Malaysia. Ironically, the ones complaining, are the ones that doesn’t portray the looks of having a BDSM fetish in their traits. Which surprisingly, you will start to look at them in a… rather… weird peculiar..way.

Anyway, in case you didn’t know, 50 Shades of Grey began its journey into the world, through series of book published by author E.L. James (the author is a she by the way). When the book is popular throughout 9gag, I started to ask around, to people whom have read it, what is so good about the book. Surprisingly to me, it is known to contain sexy fetish romance stuff in it. The thing is, the sexy fetish stuff, are BDSM type of sexual erm..stuff? I tried to read a few pages, (more like skimming through), and I was turned off at how, unsexy (not to mention, sort of kelam kabut-ish) the plot of the whole story is. I gave up and didn’t even bother to try to read the book. As what people said, the book is only famous for it’s BDSM sex stuff. Sort of erotic.

So when, they banned the movie, here in Malaysia. I am not surprised at all. I guess it is expected anyway. No way, a visual interpretation of the book could have a green light here. Even if it is shown to public, with the scenes cuts off, then it wouldn’t be 50 Shades of Grey! As the main essence of the movie is about how Mr Grey has 50 Shades of weird, dominance, and abusive sex traits. More like Shades of Boring Billionaire Grey.

I still don’t see the fuss about the movie, including the book. I am actuallly amazed, it has two more sequels/prequels to the book! I mean, apa je perkembangan cerita tu? (Please, don’t bother to explain what happened to them, I couldn’t care less, it was just a rhetorical question). 

No need to defend the movie, fans of Mr Grey, I am allowed to have my own opinion, and I am not interested in the book. I think I grew up with books by J.K Rowling, you know Harry Potter? Yeah that. The plot is wonderful, she managed to make another realm exists in our imagination, and created a small section of how real it feels in our mind. That is way more awesome than any other books. I will be pissed, if stories like Harry Potter were to be banned here, then I will allow you people to go berserk and outraged by it, because I know I will be part of them.

So, nothing much. I am just ranting about how people are making a fuss about the film being banned, when it is SO OBVIOUS, that it is too erotic for the society here. Calm your self down people.

giphy (1)

If you really want romantic? This character is super romantic, and no erotic, sexual, weird fetish is involved.

ce3efe04ab84256b05f8eef4925c2efd 21e931ae3585a6fab9d9f2a93d810211

(On the left is the 2005 movie version, Matthew Macfadyen and 1995 BBC series, Colin Firth) 

Ladies, I present to you Mr Darcy(s) from Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.  Now this is a lovely piece of literature.


I am anticipating a much better movie than 50 Shades of Grey.

Yeap. This.


Now if you would excuse me, I would like to paint 50 Shades of Boredom into my life.

Lemon Year

Yesterday is the 1st of January 2015.

Time flies bloody fast wei. I am still on my long holiday. Will be working this coming monday (cue every frustrating sounds ever existed).

How did I start my new year?
Surprisingly, on New Year’s Eve, le beau met my relatives and my grandmother, we both had a bonding dinner moment with my mother. It is like a glimpse of what/how the future might look like.

I am the happiest to know that I started my new year knowing he was by my side. Both of us are scared to know what will come up next, but we are ever so grateful for our presence next to one another.

You know what is funny about the new year?
You will recall what shits you went thru the last years. Recalling the pain. The memories. And of course how and in which event you became the fool or the idiot. And end up smiling afterwards. Because well. You made it.

I turn to my right at the driver’s seat. Three years ago he was just that boy that I kept looking at from afar, now, he holds me tighter than I ever expect it to be.

Life can give you lemons.
It will take you a while to figure out how to make a lemonade.
But when it does.
It will be that lemonade you always treasure.

Nah. Shouldn’t give you guys that metaphor. It sucks haha
Happy New Year!

You and me. Sitting in a tree. F.A.L.L.I.N.G ? Huh?

I am currently witnessing how much difference falling in love at this age (read: 24 years old and above) and falling in love when we were teenagers (read: 21 years old and below). That courtship approaches are different in so many aspects.

Again, I shall highlight ‘witnessing’ cause I am not the one facing it. I am observing how my friends are going through that early courtship phase and comparing it to my experience. They have this very straightforward approach. Within less than a month (heck no, weeks) they were able to be direct and clarify what each of them want in life and from each other. The maturity is like everywhere in their erm..recently built relationship (?). They didn’t waste time and they always clarify. Means, no petty, stupid mind games, or tug of war.

Whereas in my case, to be where I am now. I had to go through 5 years of tug of war (read: we play that tug of war in term of feelings, testing each others patience) and endless mind games. Which then, after five years of friendzoning (read: both of us received the friend zoned moments from one another, basically, we tally in that lol) I am in a 2 years of a lovely, blessed, high blood pressure relationship with my best friend. That totals up to 7 years of journey me and my best friend/le beau had to go through.

The difference when compared to mine and theirs, my friends at the age of 23 years old made it clear what they want. Me on the other hand, with le beau, only made it clear like when both of us are 22 years old. Back in high school, we kept poking each others’ feelings, egos involved and etc (oh well, you sort of get what I am saying). We only reached to that conclusion, when we realized we are tired of the mind games, and we just blurted out (5 years later) of how we just really like one another, and POOF. Here we are. Which we thought,

Me : Wouldn’t it be nice if we just be direct with one another like 5 years ago?

Le beau : We were young. We still have more things to learn. It’s the right time when we made it clear. Plus, you were playing hard to get

PFFT. Well, technically both of us were playing hard to get.

OKAY. running AWAY from the topic.

Referring to what le beau stated, “We were young, we still have more things to learn”, it’s the truth. We had to go through so many heart breaks to know and learn that love is not all mushy and sweet stuff. As with the heart breaks you learn to know yourself better. It’s when you reach the age of 23 years old and above, you realize what you want from another person and what you want for yourself too. At this point of life, you are tired of testing your feelings and really, changing partners or being in and out of relationship again, AND AGAIN, is really tiring. You just want to be steady and true. So I guess, that’s what differs between falling in love at a young age and at this later stage.

“It’s the right time when we made it clear”

Yeap, timing, also is the deal. We could always wish for it to be sooner or later. The truth is, we are not in control of that. We could be either too ripe or too young. The deal is, when the time comes, it will happen. If not, well try to learn something and just be patient I guess. For what I know, all of us experienced that young love, where the poking feelings and that ego level is exciting. But truth is, when you reach the age of,  tired with all the f**k that the world is giving, you just want no game, no play and just be direct and go,

‘Okay, what do you want from me’


‘Yeah, I want you to know this is what I want from us’

Save the hassle and time. Then work out from that. I think another reason is, well everyone around us are either on their way to marriage and are married. That plays an effect to. You start to wonder what the f**k is going around in your life other than keeping fats under your tummy and everywhere else.

Friends : Wow, you are so good in giving advice la wei. So, when are YOU getting married?

Clara Fact of the day!

Regenerate: In Doctor Who series, meant that, every Doctor that experience severe injuries (like near death or major injuries) will HAVE to regenerate (new cells, bodies, face) to heal themselves (read: in a sense they are immortal lah, but only if they have time to regenerate).


Mucho love.
Keep reading peeps!

Signing out -Shaffyn


I have this thing called

Nothing. I have nothing right now really.

I am missing the Doctor. No lah. Not a doctor that treats people.
Doctor Who. No, seriously. THE Doctor.

Oh wait. I can do this

. be0b0153778c15eb5b5253f4282e4623

Missing Eleven and Tenth Doctor like a lot. Though, honestly speaking. I am adapting with Twelve now. I mean, that is every Whovians dilemma. When they have to face regenerations. As much as the Doctors hate it, we do hate it too. It means trying to adapt with the feels all over again. Ugh.

I mean I had a hard time adapting to Eleven (after the regeneration), I only started to like him after his second season. Then, came twelve. I was really like Clara. That feels.

Anyway, for any normal, non-Whovian fans. The Regenerations doesn’t make much sense. So basically, erm try to Wiki or Google on Doctor Who, particularly his Regenerations aspects. Might be clear a bit on what I babbled about. So basically,

I miss Eleven and Ten. And it’s gonna be 21 days till Christmas Specials Eps of Doctor Who. Then after that 9 months of hiatus till the next series.


Translation: Every curse words ever existed.

Okay. It’s lunch time. Friday lunch times are good. Which means two hours of break. I will now roam around finding for life. I mean reasons to live.



So basically, this is my effort to start new. It ain’t 2015 yet, but hey. I can start early.

What’s new? It’s December. Don’t you worry, I won’t ask you to build a snowman with me. I am actually dreading December.

But whyy? Like, but why??

One word.

This is my reaction,


That, exactly.

I am in that zone where I hate weddings. Because, people will be storming my face and ask me

Ha. Kau bila pulak? Cepat lah.
Translation : So when is your wedding? Fasterlah!

In a sopan way, I wish to reply this

Kau nak makan tisu tak kat majlis aku? Aku rasa aku mampu tu je
Translation : Tissue for everyone! EVERYONE EATS TISSUE ON MY WEDDING DAY.

Duh. Of course that’s an exaggeration of me translating things. But yeah, thats it. I have two weddings I am dreading to attend. But I have to. Since well. I have to. Don’t worry. I’m fine with weddings. I will get married. Just not this period.

Oh wait.
I think I can. For the sake of everyone getting married. I’ll try.
I’ll try to like weddings.



try again next year.