Sense check


Have you ever worked so hard, till you feel that, it’s not worth it anymore?

At which point do you tell yourself to just give up or still strive for it?

Cause I think half the time I can’t cope with it anymore. Half the time, I want to just sit down and throw all the effort away. and most of the time, I just don’t want to hear anything but just be left alone.

But funny thing is, when I want to give up, people say

Don’t! you are just beginning! It will all be okay.

I’m optimistic but not THAT optimistic. Sometimes I prefer reality rather than possibilities. So, my environment says it is important  to instill Sense of Possibilities.

Let me get this right, Sense of Possibilities make sense, when you acknowledge the reality. But if you fail to acknowledge that, don’t you dare preach to me about sense of possibilities. Your sense of reality needs to be in tact.

I’m giving up on the things I think I’m fighting for. Be it people. Be it work. Be it….everyone.

Don’t! You Can do this!


I can’t. just for once. I can’t and I won’t and I don’t want to.


That one sided updates

Do you realize that as you grow older, your “cool” friends was no longer the “cool” that you thought it would mean ?

Suddenly you feel that out of all the list of names that you have. Let’s say, you have 50 names. But only 5 knows what is going on with you. And the other 45, you tend to know updates about them, more than they know anything about you.

It made sense when my mother said this,

“100 friends? You think you have 100 friends? Find the ones who are actually close and care about you”

At first I was offended. Because genuinely, I am “close” to these 100 people. But as I have to force myself to cut the list. I realize it made sense, to cut some names, cause I have these questions linger in my head.

“Did she/he actually knows what I’m doing now?”

“Does he/she actually bother to listen or genuinely ask what is up?”

“Does it looks like you try harder to keep in touch or both of you tried to keep in touch?”

These were some of the questions that lingers, and of course the main one:

“Where were you when I needed you the most?”

Surprisingly after asking this questions as I cross off the names, it seems “easier”. Sometimes you realise you are trying to take care of people’s heart and feelings more than yourself. That it doesn’t make sense at all to do that, when they have no effort to actually be apart of your life and well at least hold you when you are down.

After all of this, as sarcastically kind of mean thing to say this, somehow this kind of made sense now.



50 Shades of *Bleep*

So basically, of course, you have heard of 50 Shades of Grey.


Woops. Wrong Poster.

c8513666e4f4d82ff60b4c5826b446bd Yeah. This one. The famous erotic romance novel, turns movie.

Meanwhile, in Malaysia. Along the stretches of long, news feed Facebook posts.

Individual A : 50 Shades of Grey is banned in Malaysia! SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT!

Individual B : Asyik-asyik banned cita feveret aku! Bodoh apa banned ni! Cerita je kot!

Individual C : 50 Shades kene banned! Macam mana nak tengok ni? Semua pon banned, ni yang aku tak suka Malaysia ni. Pindah la macam ni.


Yes, yes, I can bet to you, you have AT LEAST, ONE, human being, complaining how frustrated they are, that their 50 Shades of Grey (suddenly it’s their all time favourite movie, which they have never watch/read to begin with) is banned in Malaysia. Ironically, the ones complaining, are the ones that doesn’t portray the looks of having a BDSM fetish in their traits. Which surprisingly, you will start to look at them in a… rather… weird peculiar..way.

Anyway, in case you didn’t know, 50 Shades of Grey began its journey into the world, through series of book published by author E.L. James (the author is a she by the way). When the book is popular throughout 9gag, I started to ask around, to people whom have read it, what is so good about the book. Surprisingly to me, it is known to contain sexy fetish romance stuff in it. The thing is, the sexy fetish stuff, are BDSM type of sexual erm..stuff? I tried to read a few pages, (more like skimming through), and I was turned off at how, unsexy (not to mention, sort of kelam kabut-ish) the plot of the whole story is. I gave up and didn’t even bother to try to read the book. As what people said, the book is only famous for it’s BDSM sex stuff. Sort of erotic.

So when, they banned the movie, here in Malaysia. I am not surprised at all. I guess it is expected anyway. No way, a visual interpretation of the book could have a green light here. Even if it is shown to public, with the scenes cuts off, then it wouldn’t be 50 Shades of Grey! As the main essence of the movie is about how Mr Grey has 50 Shades of weird, dominance, and abusive sex traits. More like Shades of Boring Billionaire Grey.

I still don’t see the fuss about the movie, including the book. I am actuallly amazed, it has two more sequels/prequels to the book! I mean, apa je perkembangan cerita tu? (Please, don’t bother to explain what happened to them, I couldn’t care less, it was just a rhetorical question). 

No need to defend the movie, fans of Mr Grey, I am allowed to have my own opinion, and I am not interested in the book. I think I grew up with books by J.K Rowling, you know Harry Potter? Yeah that. The plot is wonderful, she managed to make another realm exists in our imagination, and created a small section of how real it feels in our mind. That is way more awesome than any other books. I will be pissed, if stories like Harry Potter were to be banned here, then I will allow you people to go berserk and outraged by it, because I know I will be part of them.

So, nothing much. I am just ranting about how people are making a fuss about the film being banned, when it is SO OBVIOUS, that it is too erotic for the society here. Calm your self down people.

giphy (1)

If you really want romantic? This character is super romantic, and no erotic, sexual, weird fetish is involved.

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(On the left is the 2005 movie version, Matthew Macfadyen and 1995 BBC series, Colin Firth) 

Ladies, I present to you Mr Darcy(s) from Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.  Now this is a lovely piece of literature.


I am anticipating a much better movie than 50 Shades of Grey.

Yeap. This.


Now if you would excuse me, I would like to paint 50 Shades of Boredom into my life.