Six Months Later…

So basically, me being me. I was on hiatus again.

I mean January was my last post. Then February and March was just dealing with the wedding preparation (back to back) and I finally started to calm down by mid April. (YEAP took me that long to just calm my tits down)

Yes. You read it right. I just got married, exactly 3 months ago. Time passed by so quickly! It was fun and definitely exciting to just prep for the wedding, the roller coaster ride, is literally, roller coaster ride. I didn’t turn into a bridezilla (Praise to the Lord), however I did turn into a bridezombie during my reception. But it is due to me being super tired, cause the solemnization was held in the same day, but earlier in the morning.

I have a VERY VERY long list of thank you I would like to call out, but if I start, it will be endless.

But to those who have helped, been there, and just even hugging me when all was rough, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Words can never be enough, to thank all of you.

From those who took over when I couldn’t think or feel anymore, to the ones that ran from Level 6 of the hotel to the ballroom with heels, and to the awesome makeup gal and photographers who rushed to make sure everything is on point.

Thank you thank you. 

To my extended family, the fam bams that took leave a day before to be with us. Thank you friends, you are always in our prayers. Each and everyone of you, have been through the journey with us, be it sadness or happy moments. Thank you for being part of this wonderful memory.

To my family for ever being so supportive and wanting the best out of everything. *hold back tears*.  And to my new family, I promise not to go crazy when you guys are around. :p

Shiznit. I’m not good with this. But all and all. I am starting a new life, with my best friend, high school crush, and now my husband. May Allah bless this new journey to be a wonderful ride. Insya Allah

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Oh and Ramadhan Kareem everyone. Let this be a blessed journey throughout.

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New Step ey 2017?

As I stare this white space, now filled with several words. I feel frustrated as I am trying to recall what I believe a 4 pager thoughts I had in mind this morning. Unfortunately, vibe to actually express it down, is not present at the moment.

2017 is coming. I don’t know what to expect or anticipate.

There will be several events coming up and well, out of that I’m really REALLY anticipating my TWO WEEKS of leave. Thing is, that’s not suppose to be my main aim or source of anticipation.

2016 was filled w nightmares that I refuse to go back and repeat itself. But it has good share of learning and development. I certainly see myself grew a lot better and learned more particularly in work aspects. Thing is, it’s sucky to know you have to make certain steps that involves a lot of changes. But rather than being in a place where you grow and breed hatred and negativity, it is best to walk away before the hate is planted deep in the core values of yourself. Because once it is planted solid deep inside of you, it is hard to remove it.

Man. Such deep thoughts at the end of the year. Well. This is to hoping a blessed new year and a good journey.

Pray for a good and blessed journey ahead of us all. Happy Pre-Early New Year, 2017!

Keep him safe

This morning I woke up to the news of Japan was hit by a 7.3 skala ritcher earthquake. Fukushima was on high alert for a tsunami warning. 

That momen, my heart dropped. He is there. Although it was at Fukushima. Tokyo was hit with the same scale of earthquake. I missed him by a few seconds before he departs to work. Which meant no wifi. 

I broke down into tears. 

Not knowing what to expect. 

Not knowing what to do. 

How to respond and how to keep calm. 

I text messaged him. Sent him a one tick whatsapp. With hopes he will respond. I broke down what felt like every minute praying he is safe. 

At that moment, I don’t want to have just his photos.

At that moment, I don’t want last night to be the conversation I remember.

At that moment, I cried harder, cause I want him home close to home. I want his smile physically visible in front of me. 

Some would say I overreacted. But it was real. Real in a sense you put your faith in God and hoping he is alright and knowing that you have but Him to help. All this while, I kept on seeing #prayfor and wouldn’t understand how or what is the urgency or feeling behind those.

And there I was having my other half in the stated situation. My friend had to calm me down throughout the ordeal. 

Don’t worry. Alhamdullilah he is fine. He felt the shake which was quite strong. But he is okay. Please keep on praying not just for my Beau. But for Japan and New Zealand, for them who have their loved ones and never want to end their story. 

Friday. I want my Beau home. 

Life and 4 months

I “accidentally” went on a hiatus for like..4 months.

Well..not really accidentally. It is mainly due to various factors that came in

  • The place where I pour my inspiration now is on my work laptop (considering that my own laptop is now in the possession of my brother). So if I were to use that, I have the tendency to do work instead of lingering around on the web and stuff… #sensetheworkaholicme
  • My mood is easily disturbed by so many factors. Which lead me to just feel uninspired to blog anything. Bummer.
  • Apparently I got really “busy” with work, till the point that I don’t know which part of my work actually made me “busy”
  • I tend to think while I walk of 1001 things to say and write. Only ending up not typing or expressing out any, as I was mentally writing it all. And due to my Dory like memory, I tend to forget everything.

I can come up with so many excuses but welp so far these are the ones that popped out.

The past four months have been about family, weddings, work, relationship and friendship. Felt quite long though in this span of time. Two of my cousins are wed off within the span of 2 months apart. Which led to number of family meetings and meetup.

  • Le Beau has now been upgraded into a whole new level of family gatherings (meaning he was present in both of the weddings) #heartflutterstoawholenewlevel
  • Work has been….work. I zoned out a lot.
  • Have I mentioned that my two superiors in my department will be on leave for 2 weeks which means I will be in the same level as Kevin Mccalister? Minus the booby traps and The Sticky Bandits. #sepinadyingslowly
  • But I’m super happy for them as one is getting married #overlyexcitedemployee and one is organising her daughter’s dance show.

Well….I thought I had more to talk about but NOPE. That’s it at the moment. This week is gonna be a countdown session for me. Beau is two seas apart from me (East and South China Sea apart) for one week #overlyattached. It’s okay not that long anyways.

So bila nak kahwin Sepina?

As I answer this, let me create a donation form where you can contribute more towards my wedding.

TEE HEE.

P/s: Tomorrow is Monday. I’m on the verge of dying. Thanks Monday Blues.

Level with me here!

It is funny, when you see people who suffer more than you do.
When you see someone struggling to stand at this moment, after being emotionally hurt, abandoned halfway, for their one sided love.
Leaved behind, for their one sided beat of heart.
Shattered hopes of being together in a fantasy land. Once upon a time that can never exists.

It is funny.
To witness all of this.
It really is “funny”

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When you are the one, who suffered more.
Struggled longer than they do.
Emotionally ripped apart.
And you have been there since the longest you can remember, by right, you suffer, hurt, ripped apart more than anyone should be.
Yet, here you are, witnessing how others “coping” to stand, after beaten down.

I am no wonder woman.
Let me tell you that.
cause the shits that I have been through, sucks more than you do.
But by all means, I did not put man as my leap of faith.
But God will always be, my protector, my hero.
My leap of faith is to The One and Only Protector.
For every thing that happens, happens for a reason.

So if you “suffer” more. Think twice. I am torn apart more than you do.
So calm your ‘tits’

Bells running

Brace yourselves, wedding season is coming.

Funny thing is, they don’t come for just a season containing 4 – 5 months. Wedding seasons, last for a total of up to 5 years. Sometimes can reach up to a decade. (Okay, exaggeration here).

So am I bitter cause I am not yet married?

No. (LIES)

Like seriously, no I am not bitter cause of that (LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE)

Okay.

I am. A little bit, and not full blown bitter.

Weddings. Marriage. It is a beautiful thing, believe me. But have you ever heard that when your best friend gets married, you lose your best friend, and you just end up coping up with life on your own.

I had to do that for the past one year. It sucks. But hey, I don’t literally lose her, but you start to lose the essence of it, cause truthfully, both of you are leading two different lives. One is building a new family, and the other is coping with her own life. Who to blame. That is life.

Coping is hard, in the process, you have to restart your life to basic, coping with just your own. You tend to be grumpy, you tend to lose the very essence of how life is happy, you turn into a workaholic person, cause you are running away from things that makes you sad. It’s not cause you make yourself turn sad, but rather more like, you don’t know how it works anymore.

At times like this, running away seems the best.

But deep down you know, you have to stand up and face it one day.

Bitterbatter

I am at the brink of being disconnected with any social media in existence.

Sometimes it is good to not be too connected with it.

Sometimes someone’s happiness is another man’s sadness.

I don’t feel as happy as I used to. Either life made me bitter. Or I really should just  be away from everyone. Temporarily.

“There are even worse people in your shoe. Be happy. You are lucky”

Not the kind of thing I wanna hear now.
Might as well you don’t say a word.

“I have no idea how it feels to you. But I am here. I am here if you need me”

The kind of support I need at this very moment.

So I turn to my side, only to find, myself staring at nothing

Words didn’t lie. But I did

Aku nak cuba blog dalam bahasa ibunda lah. Sebab aku rasa, aku lebih bebas nak berkarya dengan lebih puitis dengan Bahasa Malaysia. (Gebang lebih semua ni)

I created a blog so I can share my story to the world (kau nampak tak kat sini, terus shift balik omputih). But somehow, I tend to write things to cater to a reader’s perspective. Instead of creating a post where it reflects me. I end up writing to please people.

Aku bukan la hebat sangat pon bahasa Inggeris. Words aku pakai pon tak ada lah bombastika mana. Cuma mungkin minda aku lebih selesa menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris. Okay sebelum aku lari dari point.

I wrote for one reason, to tell stories, to share stories and maybe spread positivity and inspiration. I try not to shift away from the main point, and I try to write it in my own style.

Aku sedikit kecewa dengan diri aku. Sebab aku selalu ingatkan diri aku, aku menulis sebab nak kongsi dan aku nak tulis jujur dari hati. Alih2, aku akan tulis sebab nak ikut perisa rasa readers.

Tu lah manusia, mudah alpa. Asalnya niat tulus, akhirnya niat bolos dari jalan yang benar.
Manusia, sudah namanya tak sempurna bukan?